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Lessons Learned, Dating Ghosts of Mecca’s past – Part I

Part I of II:

Often times people ask me if I’m looking. Let me be clear: I am not looking. Occasionally, I (or my mom) will casually pimp myself out as being available but that aside, I am not (actively) looking. I am living. I am experiencing. And to be honest, I’m having a damn good time doing it.

That said, in my almost 31 years of life, I have made many a mistake when it comes to love and dating [I mean, let’s keep it real — who hasn’t made a countless mistake(s) when it comes to love and dating? A girl isn’t perfect you know], which could possibly be part of the reason I am still single. But with every dating casualty or (boy)friend turned foe, I have learned. Learned what you ask? Well for starters, I have learned how not to make the same mistakes over and over and over and over. [Admittedly, I have made them over and over…and possibly even over and over and over but the fourth over…no, ma’am].  I have also learned that it’s “better to be single than sorry” and that “everything that glitters isn’t gold”. All helping me to learn to love myself and enjoy being alone, hopefully ensuring that the next person I am with is because I choose to have this person in my life and not because I need them there. Finally, I have learned that relationships take a lot of work, and that no one relationship is perfect and that in order for me to do my due diligence; I have to be mentally and emotionally ready and accepting of a relationship.

Now with all that I’ve learned, there is still one thing that this here girl has not mastered. And that’s calling a spade a spade and saying, “leave me the f- alone for God’s sake”.  Now, those who know me well, understand I have a little (ok, a lot) of sauciness underneath this Aries shell and I have no problem telling somewhere when and where they can shove it (only when deserved). However, for some reason, I always try to be the “bigger person” when it comes to relationships and in an effort to just let “bygones be bygones” and move on, I somehow give the impression that I actually…well, give a shit. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not heartless.  But just because I haven’t defriended you on Facebook does not a BFF make.

Yet, I constantly feel like these ghosts from Mecca’s dating past keep weaseling there little way back into my life.

[Side bar: I know what you’re thinking. “It’s your fault, Mec.  If you don’t want them contacting you, then unfriend them. Ignore them. Block all communication. Duh. It’s not really that hard.” And what I say to that is: Hold your judgment people. Let us remember that (s)he without sin cast the first stone…and last time I checked nobody was perfect (thanks to good ‘ole Adam) therefore no stones are being cast.]

Clearly I don’t care that said ghost knows that I’m studying at Duke or that I celebrated my birthday at XYZ place, or that I lost 10 pounds. In fact, I actually want you (meaning: past dating ghost) to know that I’m doing wonderful without you and that life, while not always perfect, is pretty fucking fabulous.  What I am talking about that drives me absolutely batty is pretending.  Pretending that said shit that caused us to fall out never happened.  Pretending like I would call you up today like I would call my Mom. Or my besties. One of the many lessons I’ve picked up along the way is that there is a definitely a difference between being friendly and being friends and as a result, my motto is: “While we can be friendly, we will never really be friends”.

Here are some examples:

  • Friendly is: Wishing someone happy birthday on Facebook or saying hello (and meaning it) if I run into you at the local bar or grocery store. (Note: This does not include playing words with friends, as that would imply that we are in fact friends. It’s called “Words with Friends” not “Words with Friendly” or “Words with Acquaintances”).
  • Friend is: Someone you can have a heart to heart with, someone you call when you want to spill juice, or to have a drink, or to catch the latest chick flick, or grab dinner (one on one).

So now that I have explained my position and you’ve heard about my lessons learned, I thought it might be fun to take a walk down memory (some very distant and some unfortunately not so very distant) lane and fill you in on some of the guiltiest, filthiest ghosts of all. (Head to Part II for more).

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