family · reflection

When Real Housewives Made Me Emo

Y’all who know me well know that I love Bravo’s Real Housewives of just about anything. I mean, there isn’t a reality show that makes me happier than that one. I normally sit on my couch mouth open from either astonishment or laughter as I watch the ladies do and say the most ridiculous things. So imagine my surprise when I actually got choked up binge watching some episodes a few weeks ago. Sonja Morgan, normally an entertaining character, said the most poignant thing I’ve ever heard come out of her (or any Housewives) mouth.

“Where I’m at now is dealing with genuine relationships and discarding hurtful, damaging relationships.” — Sonja Morgan

Sonja, breaking it down.
Sonja, breaking it down.

This really stuck with me as I am in the process of discarding or even more simply put, letting go of many things in my life – weight and fear to name two. However, through this journey, I’ve realized the hardest thing about letting go is doing exactly that; letting it go. I can tell myself that I will let [it] go but then when it comes time to actually implement and execute, it’s as if my hand is crazy-glued to the “it” I’m supposed to be letting go of. This is especially true of people and relationships. I’m facing this pivotal time in my life where I’m letting go of certain relationships, both naturally (as people just tend to grow a part) and purposefully (as some people are finally showing me who they are).

Some people find it easy to let relationships go but for me, it’s as if I’m cutting off a limb. I think the reason why it’s so hard is that I pride myself on being a good friend. Actually, not just a good friend, a great friend. I am an only child who has had to make friends to avoid loneliness from the time I started talking. As a result, I have not and will not ever live by the “no new friends” motto. For example, I’m still friends with a girl from 4th grade, am the Godmother to two of my dear friend’s children from high school, and have dinner plans with my old co-worker (pre-business school) on Friday. I am friendly, welcoming and inclusive almost to a fault. And above all else I am loyal and start from a place of trust. If you’re my friend, you are my chosen family. Therefore, I trust you and expect you to hold my friendship in the same high regard I hold yours. But unfortunately, there are a few people in my life who have violated my friendship and my trust and as a result, I have to discard those hurtful, damaging relationships.

Because I’m all emo (even over the smallest things), this fact has been hurting me to my core, but one thing I know to be true is that: when you let go of bad things, you make room for new things. And I’m encouraged by the amount of good things I already have like love from those I call my “tried and true” who know and accept me just the way I am and who wholeheartedly carry my friendship and my heart with theirs, and for the good things I will allow myself to receive by making room: whether that’s new friends, new experiences or new episodes of Real Housewives.

I’m sure everyone has had to discard and let go at some point. How do you move on when someone you care about has hurt you?

One thought on “When Real Housewives Made Me Emo

  1. Great post. A couple comments:
    1) I can’t believe sonja made you emo!! I don’t watch RHONY but I’ve seen her on WWHL and she is CRAY!! Haha
    2) Glad you are still blogging. Really good posts.
    3) In response to this post, I’ve been thinking about this same thing for awhile now. I have one friend in particular who I have basically written off again because she is so difficult and annoys me to no end. I chalked it up to growing apart and in different directions. But lately, I’ve been thinking more about why I can’t make it work with her. I’ve known her for a very long time and she has always been pretty hard to handle, but obviously there were reasons why we were close at one point. I tend to always blame the other person when a relationship deteriorates, but every relationship is a two-way street, and I’ve started to think that maybe I should do more and try harder. The main thing that comes to mind is be a better communicator. She doesn’t know why I haven’t bothered to reach out to her lately and she probably just thinks it’s a lull in our relationship which has happened in the past even when our friendship was fine. Or maybe she’s also annoyed with me and hasn’t bothered to reach out or say anything about it. I’m pretty non-confrontational so admitting to a friend that something is bothering me makes me uncomfortable, but if someone is your friend, they’ll listen and understand, as should I if she has an issue with me. Not to say this will make us closer or bring the relationship back to life right away, but it can be a start to repairing the relationship. Also, we never know what the other person may be going through to make them act out or hurt the other person. It’s never an excuse, but sometimes other things outside of the friendship can cause someone to act out or do something hurtful unintentionally. I can relate to what you said about being an only child and how important my friendships have been to me. I’ve been burned by some friends, but I think many of those friends probably didn’t even notice what they were doing because they just aren’t as sensitive to it as I am. I would say since b-school I started to be like “eff it, i’m not going to put in the effort that others won’t.” and I’ve definitely become good at disconnecting for long periods of time. But I’ve noticed for the most part that when I’m not being a good friend and being more selfish than normal it’s because i’m not in a good place, dealing with a life change, distracted by other issues, etc. Maybe it’s the same with them. Anyway, this was a good thought provoking post!

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