dating tales · health-nutter-butter · life in general

To date or to work out?

That is the question. If you ask me, I say work out. If you ask my Mom, I’m sure she’d be on the other side of the giant see-saw with a big neon sign that says “DATE”.

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Now, I realize that this really isn’t a question. In fact, it shouldn’t have to be an either/or because theoretically, I could and should do both. However, it definitely didn’t feel that way this afternoon when I had to ditch my workout buddy for a date I really don’t even want to go on to begin with.

I was texting with my workout buddy Katie, whom I met at Barry’s during my month long academy, about workout schedules for next week; and I was all psyched thinking I could join her for not only a Monday night barre class but also a Tuesday night BFX Build class. Just as I was about to hit “reserve” on BFX, it occurred to me that I have a date.

Normally, I don’t even think twice about scheduling workouts; they typically go into my calendar first and I build my social agenda around them. And while there are times that I am a busy bee, as of late, if I happen to have a conflict that affects my workout schedule, it absolutely, positively is not because of a date.

Don’t get me wrong: I am not, or rather no longer, a workaholic that enjoys climbing the corporate ladder as opposed to being in a relationship. Additionally, and unlike the past, I am ready for a relationship — and not because “everyone is either married, pregnant or a Mom” but because I honestly feel like my life is at a place where I am ready to accept someone into it. Personally, my life is great; and I’d love to share this great life with someone.

That said, I absolutely hate dating.

hated it

First of all, it feels like men either don’t know how or give two f*cks about courting women. But that aside, I think the process of finding suitable/eligible matches feels like work instead of fun, as it seems like the most effective way of “sourcing” or meeting people nowadays are those free dreadful, awful apps* that have made me: (1) totally superficial (when it comes to sorting through a sea of faces) and (2) completely insecure (because I am one of many faces to swipe). I loathe it. But here’s what happens:

  1. I find that in an effort to not be superficial, I swipe right (which means yay) to people I am actually not interested in whatsoever (meaning their ass should be a definite nay)**.
  2. Then, if they swipe right for me and we match, the guy will message me (first might I add because Greg Behrendt says they should), but instead of being excited, I’m kind of “meh” about it.
  3. Already unenthused, I talk myself into going out with the guy because “why not?” or “what have I got to lose?”
  4. But my gut ends up winning because even if they are nice, I’m not really interested. As all the dreadful awful apps are based solely on superficial qualities.
  5. But even if I have a string of uninteresting dates, I’m single, “so what do I know?”
  6. And the perpetual state of “meh” continues.

In fact, this is what happened with Tuesdate (obviously not his real name). And because it’s been a while, I’m forcing myself to go through with it. Why, you ask?

  • Despite being outgoing and active (I work out, I hang out, I go out, I travel, etc),  I don’t meet people organically.
  • And regardless of the fact that I have many personal relationships and professional connections, I never/rarely get the “I know someone who’d be perfect for you” set-up.
  • And finally, while Match and E-Harmony could probably remove some of the superficiality that come with the dreadful awfuls, it’s a lot of work, time (sorting, seeking and messaging) and money that I don’t want to invest if I’m going to half ass it — because I’d rather be living my life than writing a dating profile.

I keep telling myself that by living my (happy) life and by being my best self that I’m giving off positive energy and that my aura is shining. And that my shiny aura and positive energy is what (will eventually) attract other positive, like-minded people to me. But that hasn’t seemed to work just yet so…

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Rock meet Hard Place. Which brings me back to my original question:

In this instance, do I enjoy a workout with a friend because I enjoy it and it makes me feel good or do I go out on a date with someone I’m not really interested in, but keep an open mind because I’m “single and have nothing to lose?”

* The Dreaded-Awfuls: Tinder, Hinge, OkCupid, etc.

** I really need to revise my strategy here.

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